Update of my life

Have been rotting at home most of the time this month. Suddenly, i feel so empty.. every time i wake up no one is at home... my phone has no msg, has no missed calls, all i have is just disappointment. Apparently, i thought i was ok with no sch life, and alone at home till i get my enlistment date. I was wrong. Maybe i should delete my facebook account. Facebook is the only mean of catching up what my friends are doing in sch... However, I am envy of those outings pictures, events pictures, and comments, discussion that friends actively got. Seeing them made me seriously sad sub-consciously. I dunno why..

Even now when i go for outings, i felt speechless. Those close buddies and friends are cold, we did not have those plentiful common topics which we had when i am still at sch, . I felt odd out, left out, i felt lonely. Someone taught me this, friends can categorized into 3 categories....

(1)Acquaintance (those that you know them, but least or little amount of interaction)

(2)Normal friends/Cliques (those that you know them to the extent of understanding them)

(3)Buddies/best friends (those that you can have heart to heart talk to, strong mutual trust, gives good advices, encouragement and suggestions when you are in the bad times)

In my heart i know that to them i am getting close to (1) I wished to maintain the times that most of them are (2) or (3) but sad to say; now I cant really find a (3). The number of (2)s are also very limited. I am getting close to where i was when i was in primary and secondary sch... almost near zero catching-up with my ex-classmates. My inferiority inside myself is ruling me again. Maybe i should self-outcast myself, i sensed friends that saw me emo-ing and tried starting a conversation but end up in an awkward silence which i really disliked.

I just pray hard my enlistment is as close as possible so as to know what kind of work can try find or escape to the army to prevent me from thinking too much, away from the pain. i cant blamed them but myself for deciding to drop out.

Tertiary lecturers are just working for the high pay, unlike primary or secondary sch where teachers are working to help the students to pass exams and continue on with their studies. I did experienced this from the appeal of restarting my course of study. They are good at pretending to help you but at the back preventing those students bad in studies affect their reputation of their courses/schools... cruelty of the real world.