Sick and tired for living for ppl

In the morning, i happily went to buy breakfast for family. When i came back i just sit down there using a ear hook to clear those ear shit. Suddenly, my mum came and pushed my head. The pain. I pierced my ear. I felt angry and went into my room slamming the door. i laid on my bed. Some wet stuff drip onto my hand. zzz... my ear bled. a lot of thoughts went thru my mind. am i going to be deaf, y did my mum has to do this, y did i spend my money to buy breakfast and this is wat i get in return. i cried the whole morning and emo-ly felt asleep.

i felt my life miserable. i fail in my studies, i drift away from my frens, i fell out with my family every now an then over samll issues. Maybe today is the day to announce that i dun wanna care about anything le. No point contributing when the other party dont appreciate. Sorries after hurting is no use. i tolerate enuff le, everytime i get hurted, in outings, in gatherings, in meetings. Outings whr i m just one that add up to the number, gathering that i am the one trying to mingle ard instead of ppl saying hi to me, in meetings which i m disrespected when i m the chairperson or when i m trying to help with ideas. Smiling away from these is just a cover. Getting used doesnt mean wont get hurted. everyone is wearing a mask. Hiding their inner true self, acting cheerful, i m one of them.

I over-estimated myself. y i wanna def other ppl when i cant even def myself. heard close frens talking bad and suspecting about another close frens' character. Heard frens that talked about sth not true about someone, may it be seniors, juniors, and buddies. i argued over some of these matters that i feel not right but they are just wind blowing past their ears and ignored them.

i shd just not care anymore. May it be breaks, injuries, leaving,gatherings relationships, CCA, club issues i dun care le. time to care about myself more....

My Friends

Friendship is like a violin; the music may stop now and then, but the strings will last forever.

This quote sounds so good to be used within friends.

Today i had a nightmare. And u know wat... somehow i dreamt of me dying in an road accident while helping Edward Chan-.- to take an elderly cross the road and the next moment i am at my house like nothing happen. I knew i am dead but my parents at home said nothing and they do know with the scars and injuries on my face. In the end, i cried and woke up from my sleep with my eyes filled with tears.

This is not the first time i have friends in my dream. But somehow whenever they are in my dreams, i died. A dream that accompany me for years was my primary school friend appearing. Vividly, i remembered his name as Koh Chia Wei. We lost contact in lower primary. Whenever this dream happen, my inner self felt a unexplainable, pure happy. I am so happy meeting him there, playing and so on. But happy things dun always last, a large big suffocating rock crushed me from the sky and the next moment i am awake.

The strings of friendship are hard to break. I am afraid of forgetting my friends=(