Widened horizons

What happened to my studies are my own fault, it had being done and nothing can really change it. I somehow got over the sadness that i experienced with some help from declusion into gaming, distract myself from thinking too much or crying over it again. Thankful to those that really cared and supported me through this tough moments, even it is a small phrases like " jiayous" means a lot to me. Hopefully life will be better after NSor with better luck that the director of SB give me another chance. Special thanks to Gina that gave a great pull from the bottomless pit.

Anyway, recently i tend to accidently step into people sensitive topics, issues that indirectly hurted them. Due to the issues of my studies, i did not went school and CCA clubhouse for quite a while, and so i did not know about the happenings in club.
She did not do any big actions and put a strong front that fooled me until i read her blog then i know i made a big mistake. I added salt onto her wounds. Felt like slapping myself. Sorries.

CSCC day may be the last event i doing for my CCA. Placed a lot of effort in it. Really hope that it will be a success although problems came out like participant almost doubled my targetted. Trying to salvage the problem by adjusting the budgets. How I wished that all my friends that I made in CSCC come for this events, but quite impossible as some MIA-ed due to conflicts, arguements. Why must there be such things presented in friendships?

Although I am not Christian, I felt that their teachings are valuable, phrases such as "forgive and forget" applied so much to daily life. Forgive and forget the mistake your friends did to you, and everything end well. Admit and Remorse the mistake you did to your friends, and your friendship strengthens. Pin-pointing each other mistake will not do any good, gossiping about it to others make things worse; both turns into enemies and ignore when you bumped into each other. What good will it do?

Lasttly, just wanna say all the best to all of my friends for their exams and ITPs. And i faithfully trust that you will do something to salvage your broken friendships if any, after reading this.

what shd i do?

I am very lost now. 2 paths in front of me. Either i forward all my modules and get a cui diploma in the end or give up poly and go on to army. Questioning myself for very long and has been escaping from the problems through CCA activity, outing with friends even inside the virtual world. Insomnia haunting me almost 3mths le. Everyday slept at 5-6am, wake up late, go club rot, went home with friends.

Told my parents my situation today. Feeling dam sad now. I have been an introvert since secondary sch. Never able to express myself well enuff. CSCC gave me a new life. No one ever know that my inner self is lacking of confidence, even have suicidal thoughts during my low valley of life, and this time it is coming back. Maybe my fake impression manage to fool everyone as a cheerful, playful, guai lan character. I am like a beautifully designed vase that the flowers inside it is bleeding with tears every now and then, but people only get to see my exterior.